Surah Al-Nisâ’ 4:34

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ

4:34 This verse lays down a big responsibility of maintaining and sustaining women and provides guidelines in case of family disputes. Qawwâmûn قَوَّامُونَ is derived from qâma قامَ and means one who manages affairs well; who sets things right; who stands firm in another’s business; who protects his or her interest and looks after his or her affairs; or a maintainer or a sustainer (Lisân, Tâj). Thus, the word combines the concept of physical maintenance with that of moral and financial responsibility. Qawwâmûn قَوَّامُونَ is an intensive form of, and thus more comprehensive than qâ’imقائم. The verse describes the responsibilities of men in a family, as embedded in the word qawwâm قوام.

وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ

Nashûz نُشُوز means, disobedience, rebellion, ill will, deliberate bad behaviour, and desertion, rising against someone, resisting, or hating (Tâj, Qâmûs). Abû Hayyân explains it as moving out of the married couple’s home against the wishes of the husband (Bahr al-Muhît). It also includes what is now frequently described as “mental cruelty, and persistent breach of marital obligations.” In such a situation, three steps are mentioned that can be taken in the following order: verbal advice and admonition, temporary suspension of conjugal relations, and, lastly, some other kind of symbolic punishment.

Inflicting physical punishment on women was sadly common in many societies, and, unfortunately, some men derive the legitimacy of punishing their wives from the word Adzribûاضْرِبُو stated in this verse. Adzribû اضْرِبُو is derived from dzaraba ضرَبَ, a word with a great variety of meanings and interpretations in the Arabic language and in the Holy Qur’ân. Such meanings include to heal, strike, put forward an example, put forth a parable, make a journey, move away, travel, mix, cover, impose, prevent, or take something away. This word has been used in the Holy Qur’ân fifty-eight times with different meanings (cf. 30:28; 43:5; 2:273; 2:60; 2:61;18:11;57:13). Thus, adzribûاضْرِبُو does not mean here to strike physically and it certainly does not mean to inflict physical punishment on women. Meanings such as “take something away” or “put forth an example” (symbolically) can be used as the translation of this word here. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have said, “You will not find these men as the best among you who punish their wives” (Dâ’ûd 12/42). Also, He rhetorically asked, “Could any of you beat his wife and then lie with her in the evening?” (Bukhârî). Ibn ‘Abbâs says the most extreme punishment may be with a toothbrush or something lighter than this (Bahr al-Muhît). Therefore, the last resort of punishment must be symbolic. According to ImâmShaf‘î, it is preferable not to resort to chastisement of one’s wife (Râzî).

The measures mentioned in the verse are not to remain in force for an indefinite period: wives are not to be left “like a thing suspended” (cf. 4:129). Four months, according to the Holy Qur’ân, is the utmost limit for abstention from conjugal relations. If all this fails, counsel is recommended in the next verse. This may allow family disputes to be settled without undesirable publicity or the formal procedures of the law courts. The arbiters for each family are in theory acquainted with the cause(s) of the difference and the characters of both parties. It is also often easier for both spouses to present their cases to a third party and for the arbiters to effect a real reconciliation. If all hopes of reconciliation fail, a divorce or khul‘a خُلع is allowed as a last resort.